First karate tourney

When the judge yells, “Go,” I use my 11 inch height advantage to sting Gary with a left jab. Yes, that’s correct, 11 inches. The tale of the tape puts Gary at 5 foot 2 and 180 pounds. I am 6 foot 1 and have a bit more than 100 pounds on him. But, he does have a very long beard.

I walk back to my line feeling a bit ashamed that I used my huge reach advantage to score that point. Well, I thought it was a point until the judge indicated he didn’t see my gloved fist pop Gary in the forehead - the score is still tied at zero.

On our second clash, Gary kicks me in the groin (generally not legal nor encouraged) right before I punch him in the ribs. The judges debate whether to give Gary one point or two before deciding on one. 1-0 Gary.

I hesitate a bit on the next clash, not sure what I have to do to score a point on Gary while at the same time protecting the family jewels. He uses this opportunity to throw a short kick - I move out of the way and tag him with a short jab to the jaw. 1-1.

On the next clash, I chase into the corner Gary, and he catches me with a kick as he is falling away from me. 3-1 Gary.

Gary kicks me in the groin again. As I am chasing him down, the judge decides there should be a break, right as I am popping Gary with a short right hand which sends him to the canvas. No point. Still 3-1 Gary.

On the next clash, I back Gary up with a thrust kick before my second thrust kick sends him to the canvas. Point Gary. 4-1

Seemingly able to kick Gary at will, I tag Gary with an ugly combo roundhouse kick. As Gary does not get within 3 feet of me, the judges decide I may have earned these two points. 4-3 Gary.

Feeling confident, I attempt a spinning wheel kick which missed by a few inches but leaves me in perfect position to drill Gary with a left jab, knocking his helmet nearly completely off and sending him wobbling. No point.

On the next point, I decide to go back to the basics and just stick Gary in the face with a left jab. Gary goes down hard and some piece of his equipment falls off, which he angrily tosses aside. The judge tells me that because Gary chose to wear a helmet without a facemask, I cannot hit him in the face. But, as I am wearing a facemask, he can hit me in the face. No point, but that blow got Gary ticked off.

At this point, I was pretty perplexed about what move to attempt. As I don’t have very good balance my kicking arsenal is limited, so my attack is usually focused around left jabs to the face, which are now illegal. So, I go at Gary with a weak thrust kick - he blocks it and counters with a nice right hand toward my chest. I largely block his punch so no point is given. I would have given Gary the point - it was a great counter attack.

On the final clash of the match, Gary stays aggressive and comes at me with a low kick, which I block. As he loads up to throw a haymaker to the outside of my shoulder, I swat him in the side of the helmet, carrying my blow into his face. He wobbles away holding his eye. No point.

2 minutes is up and the match is over. Gary wins 4-3.

A couple hours later, I am catching some of the other action at the tournament and see Gary in the distance. I walk over to him and congratulate him on his victory. It turns out that he is from Missouri. He has been whooping up on his competition down there, so he joined some members from his gym on a 10 hour bus ride to Minnesota for this tournament. I ask if he brought any family with him, and he shook his head, saying he could not afford it. We shake hands again, snap a quick picture, and then  go our separate ways.

As I reflect back, I’m certainly not satisfied with how the fight was judged. From an obviously biased perspective I felt like I should have won somewhere between 7-3 and 11-3. However, I take two lessons away from the experience. First, I have a lot of improving to do when it comes to clean technique and striking. If my form was better, I probably would have received more points.

Also, I can’t help but be happy for Gary. I’ve had plenty of moments in the sun, but something tells me Gary has not. He can go home with his head held high and tell him family and friends how he whooped up on a big boy from Minnesota. So, good for you, Gary. I look forward to a rematch next year - any chance you could wear a helmet that has a facemask?

Here is the video (the left jab that put Gary down and got me the warning was not taped):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6NYEQDmChk&feature=youtu.be

Operation: Creature Preservation - Day 3

One of the things I love about writing is that it causes reflection. I went to bed last night feeling somewhat unnecessary, kind of like a caretaker more than a head-of-household. But the act of putting my feelings on paper, especially in a public venue, was rather therapeutic.


So, when Tito woke me up this morning, two minutes before my alarm was to sound, I had a different energy about me. I went downstairs and engaged with him during his morning routine. I can’t even recall what we discussed, but I recall spending good time with him. And when I woke Bitsy up a short while later, I repeated the routine. I just hung out and chatted with her.


I know my mom reads my blog, so I will just give her a quick shout out and say that I remember how you would get up each morning with me and I remember feeling like I wasn’t alone as I stared the day. And I really appreciated it.


After the kids departed, I went through the rest of the routine…dog…cats…chickens. But I chatted with the creatures during this process, and they appeared pleased. Well actually, Cash was the only one who seemed pleased. Cats never really seem much of anything, and chickens don’t have much in the way of facial expression. But, I had tried. So when I curled back into my warm bed an hour and a half after rising, I fell back asleep with a satisfaction.


After yesterday’s ten-snooze debacle, I made real progress today – arising after only three snoozes. I am about to enter my busiest time of the year, so the ability to just lay around at times is certainly satisfying.


Upon arising, I saw my jeans on the floor and had a decision to make. Put them on and do the right thing, or remain in shorts and take the easy way out. It was perhaps the reflection of trying to add value that gave me a nudge, and the jeans went on. This was important as this meant that Cash and I would be going for a walk.


We walked for a good half hour, much better than the last walk I gave him which was only fifteen minutes long. “Why even bother?” may have been the question I received upon returning that day. After our walk, Cash and I went into the backyard to find three eggs. I can see why Kacey enjoys the chickens, as you never know how many eggs you are going to find. Eggs are kind of like presents, and presents remind me of Christmas - except that with chickens, every day of the year is December 25^th.


I fetched the mail (three days’ worth I believe), and found a package. This is not abnormal as Kacey frequently receives packages (or “prizes” as she likes to call them). But this prize was different – it was addressed to me. I opened the package and found a gift from heaven – 2 packages of K-Cups (34 in all) for my office coffee maker! And accompanying the K-Cups was note from a freshman student.


His note was a simple thank you for all I had done for him this past fall. Interestingly enough, this student was probably my favorite of the 95 students I taught this fall, long before he gave me this gift. So to receive a gift of appreciation from him was truly satisfying. Plus, there was a time this fall when my Keurig was broken and I taught some caffeine-free classes – and it showed, badly. Perhaps he is also looking out for my future students.


On my drive out to my consulting client, I called Kacey. She answered the phone with excitement, like she was actually happy to hear from me. And I felt loved, and I felt important. And when I feel like that, I feel as if I can conquer the world. Well, I may not have conquered the world, but I conquered some German and Italian tax issues and billed a few hours.


After back to back dinners of chicken wings, I decided to vary it up a bit and provide my children with a balanced meal of meatloaf, potatoes, and green beans. And when I say “provide,” I mean that I accepted my mom’s invitation to join them for dinner.


After dinner, I leisurely enjoyed a glass of Alexander Valley Cab and some good conversation with my parents. A bit too late, I summoned the children to head for home.


I arrived home to some restless creatures. The cats were meowing at me, being that it was three hours past dinnertime. And Cash was sitting patiently next to his empty food dish. Feeling a bit guilty, I may have given him a bit more than extra.


We were out of duck-based cat food so I risked it and gave the cats the chicken-based cat food. Within thirty minutes, DollyMama was hacking up a lung. And I made a plan to venture out to a pet store tomorrow for more of the pricey duck-based food. While I am not sure I like our cats enough to spend significantly more cash on their food, it does not seem right to effectively poison them. So for now, expensive cat food it will be, and I will hound Kacey to whip up a less expensive recipe herself.


As Tito diligently completed his homework, Cash and I went outside to round up the chickens, freshen their water, and food, and stuff them in their coop. They are struggling less when I touch them and pick them up – perhaps they are even getting used to me. Or perhaps they were just tired.


When I got back inside and plopped down on my easy chair, I felt better than at the same time the day before. For today, I felt as if I added value. That doesn’t mean I am missing Kacey any less, it just means I am embracing her absence a bit more as an opportunity.

Operation: Creature Preservation - Day 2

For quite some time, I have been unsuccessfully trying to put my finger on “it.” The “it” is referring to what our home is missing when Kacey is not here. Tonight, as I reflect on the day’s events, I think I have identified “it.” When Kacey is in charge of the house, she “adds value,” as one would say in the business world. But when I am in charge, we simply punch the clock.


Take today for example. I “worked” until the wee hours of the morning last night, and was slightly disheartened when Tito woke me up at 6:38am with his man-child voice barking, “Get up.” I still had seven minutes to sleep before my alarm was to sound at a quarter ‘til seven, and honestly felt robbed of those seven minutes. I lumbered downstairs to basically watch Tito make his own breakfast, make his own lunch, and walk out our door toward his school bus. I really did nothing of any value in that time other than comb his hair.


I walked with him down the driveway to our street and asked if he wanted me to walk him to his bus stop. Predictably, my twelve year old son said, “No, I’ll be alright.” So, I stood at the end of our driveway and watched as he walked down to the end of the street. I was jacket-less, and it was fifteen below zero, but I didn’t mind. I knew that the number of times I would get to do that are limited.


When his bus pulled away, I re-entered my abode and fed Cash. As for the cats, they didn’t even pay attention to me when I dumped their $6 per pound duck food on a fresh plate. They almost seemed disenchanted with my existence. “Screw ‘em,” I thought to myself, and Cash and I went out to the chicken coop. I opened the coop, freshened the water and food, looked for eggs (none), and retreated into the warmth of my house.


Never haven fully woken up, I found it easy to fall asleep on my easy chair for twenty minutes. I arose to the sound of my cell-phone alarm and went upstairs to wake up Bisty - fortunately, she didn’t even fight it. She got herself ready while I mindlessly watched You Tube videos in my office – at least they were keeping me awake. At one point Bitsy called up to me and said, “Mom usually is down here with me during this part.” I obliged and asked if Kacey did anything special and she said, “I don’t know. She just kind of hangs out and talks with me.” Value added.


When it was time to drive her to school, I decided to take Cash with to get him out of the house. I opened the garage door, expecting that he would simply hang out by my car and wait for me to open the door. That expectation was foiled, however, when he spied a cat on our street. Collar-less, he bolted. And not surprisingly, wouldn’t obey my pleas to return.


For a moment, I imagined losing him forever, and I imagined Kacey beating me over the head with her largest mixing bowl. But then, the cat must have jumped a fence, as Cash came running back, and we got Bitsy to school right on time.


Now, I am known for napping. It wasn’t always that way. But a hip injury diagnosed as “osteitis pubis” shelved me for nearly nine months last year, and my physical condition went to pot. I also seem to have developed sleep apnea, and need to act on my doctor’s referral for a sleep study. So, after only resting for about four hours the night before, it is probably understandable that I laid down for a nap, and maybe even understandable that I set my alarm (my third of the day), for a full 2 ½ hours later. Well, what is not understandable is that my alarm sounded and I snoozed it TEN times – for a total of 90 minutes.


Horrified at my slothfulness, I sprung into action and I went downstairs, heated up some of yesterday’s coffee, and did some consulting work. Before long, I decided to check for eggs, and remembered how Kacey told me, “If the chicken is just sitting there, lift it up because it is probably just sitting on its egg.” I did so, no egg was present, and the chicken scurried away. I felt as if I had just violated the chicken’s privacy, and wondered if this would constitute an “intimate” moment between the two of us. I did find two other eggs, one of which was frozen. As I said in yesterday’s blog, Kacey suggested that I scramble any frozen eggs and give them to the chickens - to which I said, “Whatever.”


So, after scrambling the frozen egg (see what I did there?), I arranged for a play date for Cash with his best friend Freddy. And by “arranged,” I mean that Freddy’s owner called me and said,”I am coming to get Cash, have him ready in ten minutes.”


A while later, I picked up Bitsy from school. Dinner consisted of left-over chicken wings and Chinese food, much to the delight of the children. At church, I actually had a value-added moment and led my small group of rowdy twelve year old boys in a game of mini-marshmallow dodge-ball. Effort was expended, teamwork and strategic skills were developed, and nothing got broken. Some marshmallow may have got stuck in the carpet, but I will throw an extra few bucks in the offering plate this Sunday with a note to pass it along to our church’s custodial staff.


When we got home, I tended to the chickens and promptly fell asleep in my easy chair for another fifteen minutes. During this time, the kids, perhaps sensing my ineptness, proactively worked on their homework. The cats never even bothered to ask (and yes, they would ask) for their special dinner. In fact, I am not sure if Scarf is still in the house or not. Regardless, they certainly miss their usual caretaker. All of us do.


Today, we survived, but no value was added. Tomorrow, I will see if I can make a difference.

Operation: Creature Preservation – Day 1

Out of habit, I smacked the snooze button when my alarm clock made that hideous noise at seven o’clock this morning. I pondered dozing for those nine precious minutes, but knew that the sooner I got up would be the sooner I returned to bed. And so, I donned a sweatshirt and a pair of dirty jeans, the only kind I own, and buffaloed down the stairs and into the kitchen.

 

I fired-up my laptop and found it - the Word document titled, “Creatures.” In this document, I found instructions. These instructions would be vital in keeping alive the creatures in my home while Kacey is away frolicking in the Arizona sunshine. The creatures, in order of importance, are as follows:

1. (tie) Bitsy the girl and Tito the boy

3. Cash the dog

4. Boz the husband (I have a better life insurance policy than Cash)

5. DollyMama the cat

6. Scarf the cat

7. Gracie the chicken

8. Bob the chicken

9. (tie) – Ziggy and Marley the chickens

 

Step one was to feed Cash two-thirds of a cup of food out of two different bags. Done. Easy peasy.

 

Step two was to feed the cats. Kacey has been feeding them duck-based cat food, as DollyMama seems allergic to the regular chicken-based cat food. How one identifies food allergies within cats is beyond me, but my wife is cool like that. However, Dolly’s duck food is quite a bit more expensive, and I proudly identified a fix. I gave the duck food only to Dolly and the chicken food only to Scarf, utilizing separate plates. They looked at me like I was the most stupid excuse for a human being they have ever met. “You are a fool,” their eyes said to me, and they promptly switched plates.

 

Step three was to tend to the chickens. So, I put on my windbreaker (my only coat) and headed outdoors. Mind you that the chickens have been in our possession for about 250 days, but this is the first time I have cared for them. And I got to practice in beautiful elements – 15 degrees below zero. “But it’s a warm fifteen below,” I told myself. “There is no wind.”

 

I successfully freshened their water, provided them with more food and scratch (whatever that is), and let them out of their coop and into the run.

 

Step four was to get the children off to school – but alas, school was cancelled due to the frigid temperatures. And with that, I was back in bed.

A couple hours later, I arose again and decided to check for eggs. I opened a trap door in the coop to find either Ziggy or Marley sitting comfortably – on three eggs! On this dastardly cold day, this feathered clucker had guarded the eggs from the elements. Now the eggs were still cold, you see, and this was an important. fact Because if the eggs had frozen, Kacey told me that they would not be good for human consumption and I should scramble them for the chickens. “Scramble them for the chickens!” I said to myself in a high-pitched voice. “Whatever.”

 

Having no idea what frozen eggs feel like, I decided to crack them right then and there, and fortunately enough, none of them were frozen. Sofia was the lucky recipient of my culinary skills, and said she thoroughly enjoyed her scrambled freshness – at least until the point she dropped her fork between the couch cushions and could not find it.

 

Skipping ahead to seven o’clock in the evening…I figured it would be good to feed the human creatures in my possession. I found a gift card to Cowboy’s Saloon, and just our luck, it was “wing-night,” with twenty wings costing only five dollars. Given that Tito and I were the only ones eating wings, I only ordered forty. The saloon was packed, likely due to it not only being wing night, but also bingo night. A lover of any and all games, I asked the kids if they wanted to participate, and before waiting for their reply, I bought a card for a dollar. Now, I don’t know that it is a great example to teach your kids how to gamble at such a young age, so I told the kids to view this as low cost entertainment – as any amount we won would be given to our server.

 

After coming up empty for two rounds, I asked the kids if they wanted to stay a bit longer, as the thousand-dollar jackpot was just two rounds away. Bitsy was game, as always, but Tito protested and expressed a desire to get to his homework. I briefly tried to talk him out of it, before coming to my senses when I saw an image of Kacey's scowling face hovering menacingly over our booth.

 

We got home around eight thirty, and I fed Cash. Part of me felt badly that I stretched past his normal dinner time, but the other part noted that he is the slowest dog at our neighborhood dog park, and perhaps he could stand to lean-up a bit. I headed back into the frigid outdoors and crawled into the chicken run, scooping up the chickens one by one and pushing them into their coop. They clucked at me, and not to be outdone, I clucked right back at them. After giving them some fresh, hot water, and another batch of food, I retreated inside, my chest slightly puffed out with accomplishment.

 

I oversaw the completion of math and science homework, and even got the children to take showers. Plopping down in my easy chair at nine-thirty, I thought to myself, “This ain’t so bad.” We shall see.