A comeback for the ages

Despite only attending a handful of professional sporting events each year, I have been fortunate enough to see many memorable events in the history of Minnesota and national sports.  I was there in 1983 when the Metrodome roof ripped during a thunderstorm and poured in water during a Twins game, in 1991 when the Twins won Game 7 of the World Series, in 1997 when Dennis Rodman kicked a cameraman in the groin in, in 2001 when a riot broke out after an inter-city soccer derby in Seville, Spain, in 2004 when Jeff Gordon’s controversial win over Dale Earnhardt Jr. at Talladega resulted in fans littering the track with beer cans and caused NASCAR to make a major rule change, in 2008 when Adrian Peterson set the record for most rushing yards in an NFL game, and in 2010 when Brett Favre won his first home game as a Viking by throwing a last second touchdown pass.

But none of those compares to the sporting event I witnessed today.

I first met Jay back in 2001, when he was seven years old.  We moved into a neighborhood where a dozen or more kids would routinely play street hockey.  The other kids were generally four years older than Jay.  Although he was decent-size for his age, the age difference made him the runt of the group.  As a result, the only way he survived was by developing tremendous hand eye coordination, passing ability, and a killer wrist shot.  Beyond hockey, I was always very impressed with Jay.  He always was very polite and waved to me when I interrupted his hockey game with my car.  After my son was born, Jay took a special interest in him.  He was soft spoken and humble.

Jay began playing varsity hockey as a freshman at Johnson High School; a somewhat rough high school on the east side of St. Paul.  Many outsiders didn’t even know that Johnson still had a hockey team.

Jay’s sophomore year was derailed by a serious back injury.  He rebounded in time to have a stellar junior year.  By the time his senior year rolled around, the runt had grown to nearly 6 and a half feet tall and 230 pounds.  While he developed into a monster, the skills he learned from those days as the runt of the street hockey games never eroded.  So as a senior, he was not only the biggest player on the ice, but also the most skilled.  That combination resulted in 42 goals scored in his first 25 games of the year, and the attention of many pro scouts.  Immediately after his final high school game, Jay will be leaving to beginning playing for the Fargo Force in the USHL (aka Juniors).

I had never seen Jay play an actual hockey game, and when I heard that Johnson was starting the playoffs and facing a likely season ending loss against the superior White Bear Lake squad, I decided to attend the game.

While my ten year old son missed most of the action as he was consumed with his handheld video game, my eight year old daughter was surprisingly attentive.  To make it easier on her, we kept referring to the neighbor kid as Big Jay so that she would be reminded to look for the biggest dude on the ice and cheer for him. 

The first period was quite depressing. The Bears took a 3-0 lead, including a disastrous mistake by Johnson’s goalie.  Well, what do you expect from an 8^th grader?  Yep, that’s correct; an NHL prospect is trying to win a game in which he has a 13 year old kid in the nets.  Big Jay’s only real impact in the first period was deflecting a White Bear slapshot, which resulted in the Bears’ second goal.

Johnson didn’t gain any ground in the second period, but at least it was entertaining.  White Bear scored early, but then Johnson answered.  Good, at least they won’t get shutdown in the final game of their season.  In this second period, it seemed that most of the players’ efforts were spent trying to deliver bone-crushing checks.  Big Jay himself got into the action, leveling a Bear along the boards and being retaliated against with a couple slashes.  The Johnson faithful empathized with the referee’s decision not to call a penalty for those slashes, indicating it must be hard to control a game when they lost their contact lenses on the ice.  I basically was most entertained during this period by explaining hockey to my daughter and trying to decide if a fight would break out.

The first several minutes of the third period were awful.  White Bear scored again to make it 5-1, and Johnson was playing a much uninspired game.  I was in a bit of disbelief that no one, not even Big Jay, was taking much of a leadership role.  In fact, Big Jay would spend much of his off shifts sitting on the bench while his teammates stood attentively.  I’ll admit that I questioned spending $20 ($23.75 including the hot dog and Swedish Fish for my kids) to watch an overmatched and uninspired team get its butt kicked.

But, something began to change with about ten minutes left in the game.  Johnson’s fans, strong throughout the game, really started to encourage their players.  They didn’t yell at them for a lack of execution or hustle; rather they just yelled encouraging words, reminding them that it was time to pick it up.

The next five minutes started to get pretty fun.  Johnson started to play with desperation and Big Jay himself seemed to find an extra gear.  Johnson generated many scoring opportunities but they just couldn’t break through.

Then, staring at the possibility of less than five minutes left in his high school career, Big Jay decided that enough was enough. 

He got the puck in the corner and with two Bears pulling him down to the ground, Big Jay passed the puck between his legs and to teammate Bryan in front of the net.  It was a beautiful pass and Bryan flicked it toward the net.  The goalie made a beautiful save, but as two Bears lie on top of Big Jay in the corner, Bryan slammed home the rebound   5-2 White Bear.

I exhaled.  At least the boys are going to be able to hold their heads high after the certain loss, knowing they went down trying.

A minute later, the Bears were called for a penalty and Big Jay’s line mate Jake went end to end, split the two defenders like he was a steak knife and they were butter, and scored Johnson’s second goal in two minutes.  5-3  White Bear.  That goal seemed to wake up everyone, as it proved momentum had truly shifted.

On the same shift, a mere 30 seconds later, Big Jay got the puck on the wing.  He skated hard toward the goalie, faked a shot to the goalie’s left side, and then glided all the way to the other side, waiting until the goalie collapsed before snapping the puck above the helpless goalie and into the net.  5-4 White Bear.

Big Jay glided back toward the bench with one leg forward in a low crouch, pumping his fist and exciting everyone on the visitors’ side with the exception of my kids, who were largely confused by what was happening.

Now a potential problem was that as on fire as Big Jay and his wingers were, they couldn’t play every minute.  In fact, Johnson’s coach continued to rotate three lines, although the second and third lines were certainly seeing their shifts considerably shortened.  However, these players did what they needed to do.  They kept the Bears from scoring again, giving Big Jay a chance to skate one last time.

With a bit more than a minute to go in the game, Big Jay stepped onto the ice for what would perhaps be the final shift of his high school career.

He got the puck on the right wing charged hard toward the net, drawing the defense and goalie toward him.  He flicked the puck right onto the waiting stick of Bryan who slammed it home.  5-5.  Tie game. 

Bryan was mobbed by the other four Johnson skaters on the ice.  As they skated back to the bench, Big Jay raised his stick above his head and pumped it a few times, firing up the raucous crowd even further. 

Shortly thereafter, the horn sounded ending the 3^rd period and the beginning sudden death overtime.  My kids were a bit disturbed in thinking that the losers would be sacrificed, but I assured them it was just a saying.

The Johnson coach gave his team some final instructions during the short break before overtime began, and right before they took the ice, Big Jay pulled the entire squad together.  I don’t know what he said, but it made all of his teammates yell and cheer like warriors about to charge the enemy’s front lines.  So, I assume whatever he said was good. 

But, just as quickly as the underdog had hope, the Bears ripped it away.  A Bear streaked down the left wing and unleashed a slapshot from just inside the blue line.  Some may say the goalie misplayed the shot and some may say the velocity of the shot left the goalie no chance, but regardless…the shot found the back of the net.  White Bear advanced, and the underdog’s season was over.

Actually, that last paragraph did not happen in the Johnson vs. White Bear game. It happened twenty-one years ago almost to the day.  I sat in that same arena in roughly the same spot.  My hockey playing Stillwater Pony classmates were battling the heavily favored White Bear Lake Bears, led by future NHL player Brian Bonin.  The Ponies battled back from an early deficit and tied up the Bears with a goal in the last minute of regulation, forcing overtime.  As hard as hearts were pumping for us hopeful Pony fans, they were immediately ripped out when Bonin streaked down the left wing unleashed a slapshot from just inside the blue line.

This game was similar.  A Bear did streak down the left wing and unleash a slapshot.  8^th grade goalie Sam Moberg waited to face that shot.  I remember when I was an 8^th grader.  I was scared when we played the White Bear football 8^th graders, as they had evil nicknames like “Dr. Death” and “The Terminator” written on their helmets.  I am sure that facing off against 12^th graders would have been enough to make me soil my jockstrap.

Moberg blocked the shot.

Shortly thereafter, Big Jay got the puck on a two on one breakaway and let fly with the potential game-winning shot.  But again, no!  Great save by the White Bear goalie.  Off his facemask.  Which was now broken by the impact of the shot.

In fact, Big Jay’s first two shifts of overtime came up empty.  However, the Bears were also coming up empty as Johnson’s second and third lines were playing their hearts out in slowing the Bears attack.  And Moberg was in a zone.

On his third shift, Jay got the puck in the corner and passed it to the point.  A defenseman took a shot, and the goalie easily blocked it…right back to Big Jay in the corner.  He took two strides toward the net, being forced beneath the end line by the Bear defense.  At the last second, Jay let it fly…a wrist shot of course.  Despite the impossible angle, there was never really any doubt where the puck would end up.

The Johnson fans exploded in exaltation.  Big Jay climbed the boards to acknowledge the Johnson fans and his teammates mobbed him.  I hugged Big Jay’s mom, high-fived his girlfriend (I was tempted to hug her but that may have been weird), and shook his dad’s hand.   I had come to the game expecting to be a passive observer, yet I found myself cheering as loud as anyone. 

Four points in the final 10 minutes of the game.  To put that in perspective, the best hockey player ever, Wayne Gretzky, averaged two points per 60 minute game in his NHL career.

The Bears knelt on the ice, staring in disbelief at the celebration going on.  While the rest of his Johnson teammates mobbed each other at center ice, one player knelt by himself with his helmet off, completely spent.  Big Jay had been getting longer shifts all game, especially late, and had nothing left in his tank.  He left it all on the ice.

Well done, Big Jay.

Author’s Note:  While Big Jay certainly poured it on at the end of the game, he could not do it alone and this awesome victory would not have been possible without the help of many others.  Jake and Bryan, you were awesome.  Moberg, your development throughout the game was incredible to watch.  Johnson coaches, your disciplined style of coaching kept your team very fresh for the end of the game and prevented them from melting down when things were not looking good.  And Johnson fans…you never got down on your players.  You stayed positive.  There were a few times you got down on the referees (and frightened my daughter in the process), but who could blame you, they were missing their contact lenses.

Credit to mnhockeyprospects.com for the picture.

Going all out for those you love

Today was supposed to be different.  Jane should be celebrating her mom’s 70^th birthday on the beaches of Mexico.  Instead, they are together at Jane’s condo in Minneapolis.  Recently, Jane’s mom was diagnosed with a serious medical condition.  She underwent surgery, but the long-term outlook is fair at best.  Jane’s mom cannot spend her 70^th birthday on the beaches of Mexico, and in fact she can’t even spend the day in her own home, as it is too far away from her hospital.

Jane is doing her best to make the day as sweet as possible for her mother. She was chatting with her mom a little bit ago and I heard her end the call by saying, “I love you, mom.”  Jane is leaving work at a reasonable time so that they may share a special dinner together.  Her mother, while not happy to be in Minnesota in lieu of Mexico, is looking forward to spending time with her daughter.

What Jane’s mom does not know, is that after dinner, she is going to receive a present which will blow her away.  Even while reeling with the news of her mother’s illness and adapting her condo into a temporary living space for her new guest, Jane had the presence to contact about thirty of her mom’s friends and ask them to send birthday wishes.  Jane asked that the birthday wishes be sent to her, not her mom.  She also asked those thirty people to forward her request on to other friends.

Jane has accumulated those birthday wishes in a box, and this evening, Jane will present her mom with that box.  The box is full of more than two hundred cards, letters, and e-mails of wishing a happy birthday and a speedy recovery.  I have never met Jane’s mom, but I wish that I could be there tonight, just to see the look on her face when she opens the box.

Jane went all out for her mom, and it will most certainly result in one of the most precious evenings of both of their lives.

I thought back on my own life, and realized that I have gone all out for someone exactly once.  For that, I should feel embarrassed and saddened, but I do not.  Instead, I am inspired to more frequently go all out for those I love.

Tonight, I am inspired by Jane.

No More

Would you be willing to play a little game with me today?  Let’s play the game called, “I bet I can read your mind.”

If you are up for it, I want you to think about one of your favorite people to spend time with.  Perhaps it is a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a teacher, a co-worker, or a friend.  Play along with me for a few seconds here…pause and lock your mind in on just one person. 

Once you have identified that one person, I want you to think about why they are one of your favorite people to spend time with.  What qualities do they have that really separate them from others in your life?

Now it is my turn to read your mind.  If you are anything like me, it just may be that the person you are thinking of makes you feel good about yourself.  There are some people who constantly build me up and never put me down, and frankly, I just can’t get enough of them.

For me, one of those people is John, the subject of my upcoming book.  When we chat, he never puts me down just for the sake of it.  Sure, he may challenge me on some of my ideas and tease me now and again.  And when I messed up on the football field there was hell to pay, but he never puts me down simply for the sake of putting me down. 

Recently, John found out something good about me, and it amazed me how he can’t stop talking about it and relaying that information to others.  Since that time, I have been paying more attention to how others treat others and me, and I am amazed by the frequency of put-downs that many people offer.

I mentioned above that I had two questions for you, and thus far I have only asked one.  Well, here is the second: how do you fare in this area?  Do you find yourself seeking to build others up, or are you heavy on sarcasm and put-downs?  If the latter describes you, I have to borrow a line from Dr. Phil and ask, “How’s that working for you?”  Is it making you happy and drawing people close to you, or is it resulting in tension and superficial relationships?

I can struggle with this one at times.  In fact, I no sooner finished relaying this strong quality of John’s to my class when I promptly put down two students in an unnecessary way for an incorrect answer.  As I reflected on my words later that day, I felt sick.

Thus, I have made a decision: no more.  This is an area in my life where I must have zero tolerance for mistakes.  Yes, I know I will slip up from time to time, but when I do, I must immediately rectify the situation.

For those two students, I sought them out later that day, apologized, and promised to buy them a beer the next time I saw them at our campus pub’s happy hour.  Don’t worry, they are both twenty-one.  Further, I am going to keep that promise to any other students I put down in the years ahead.

My future should be interesting, and one thing is for sure.  I will either be a person known for building others up, or I am going to have one heck of a bar tab.

This one is for my students

As I scanned my inbox and the twelve new messages it contained, one e-mail immediately grabbed my attention.  The subject line simply contained the name of a person I used to work with in the business world, let’s call him Joe.  Immediately upon seeing Joe’s name, certain attributes popped into my head.

Very smart.  Great initiative.  Hard working.  Willing to help others out.

A friend sent me the e-mail, asking for my opinion on whether he should hire Joe.  My reply?  Absolutely not.  More on that in a bit.

College seniors are currently in their final semester, and a huge priority for most of them is finding a job.  During this semester, I will be asked by many students for recommendation letters and to be a reference for them when they send out resumes.  I will also be asked by many employers if I know of any students looking for jobs.  I want to share what I consider when I receive those requests, because I take those requests very seriously.  Why?  When I tell an employer to hire a student, that employer’s trust in me will increase if I refer a student who then performs well, and that employer will ask me to make recommendations of more students.

Perhaps more than anything, I look for dedication.  According to the anonymous quote, “The world is run by those who show up.”  I have seen firsthand that one can do a lot with someone who shows up for work, everyday.  My dad modeled that lesson for me early in life, and as a result, I have taken one sick day in 17 years of work.  Just last year, a company asked me to recommend a student for an interesting job that would pay a starting salary of $55,000.  I was about to recommend a student for that job, but the student promptly skipped two consecutive classes.  Needless to say, I did not recommend that student.

While it is fantastic if someone shows up every day, it is important what do they do when they are at work.  Thus, another key thing I look for is students who will make their employer’s lives easier.  I believe they can do this through a combination of initiative, ownership, and desire to learn.  Are they just putting in their time, or are they engaged and trying to contribute?  I have a current student who brims with excitement and energy every time he is in class.  He discusses how to solve problems with other students before, during, and after class.  His homework always appears done to the best of his ability.  He consults a variety of resources when working on tough projects.  I imagine that he will be the type that thrives in the work world by taking ownership of projects and exceeding expectations.  Needless to say, this student does not need me to recommend him for a job; he was scooped up a long time ago.

Effective and respectful communication skills are also key.  Over e-mail, can the person get their point across in a clear, concise, and courteous manner?  In person, does the person communicate when necessary, do they dominate conversations, or are they completely silent?  People don’t have to speak up regularly, but they need to speak up when it matters.  I recall how just last year I was really struggling how to explain a concept in one of my classes.  It was frustrating for my students and excruciating and embarrassing for me.  A student came up to me after class and explained how she solved the problem.  I have used her explanation ever since to teach the tough concept in a much clearer manner, and I feel gratitude for her helping me out.

I also examine how students get along with others.  When I see a student who always sits by themselves during class and never converses with others, it raises a red flag.  Why aren’t they reaching out to their classmates?  It makes me question how they will get along in a team environment.

Another trait I look for is integrity.  Everyone, including me, will use poor judgment at times.  However, repetitive poor judgment is a big warning sign.  If I sense that a student would not be honest with their employer or future co-workers, I won’t even think about recommending them.  As for students who let me know that I gave them too high of a score on a quiz or test, well, those are the type of students I would want on my team.

I also look favorably on students who show a high level of personal responsibility.  I am impressed by those who are hard on themselves, and do not try to deflect blame onto others.

You will notice that one thing I have not yet mentioned is intelligence.  If someone exhibits the qualities discussed above, there is a good place for them in the work world.  That doesn’t mean that I will recommend all students for all jobs.  Rather, it means that I will try to find an appropriate job for students of varying intelligence levels..

Going back to my original story, Joe exhibited most of the qualities I discussed above.  So why did I say, “Absolutely not” when my friend asked if he should hire Joe?  Joe lacked one critical quality: the willingness to receive feedback.

When Joe worked for me, he would reach a conclusion and defend his position without considering alternatives I presented that would be more beneficial to our clients.  He did not accept that I had something to teach him.  As it was difficult to give feedback to Joe, it became stressful to work with him.  Eventually, I simply quit working with Joe and gave my projects to other employees.

No one is perfect, and I believe we all have a great deal to learn from others.  However, if someone rejects these learning opportunities, they will miss out on valuable learning.  But something else will happen: others will no longer feel comfortable providing feedback, and will quickly stop doing so.

So, how do you react to feedback you receive?  Do you generally protest and argue, or perhaps react by sulking?  If you do, you are making it very awkward for others to deliver that feedback.  You will stop receiving constructive criticism, others will not want to work with you, and you still stop learning and advancing. 

I refer to this final quality as embracing criticism.  When I encounter honest students who show up every day, work hard, and embrace criticism, I feel confident in recommending them.  I will break down brick walls to help them find jobs and succeed.

I will end today with two final thoughts.  First, you may not agree with my points, and you may think I am full of crap.  That is okay, that’s your opinion.  Heck, go ahead and even let me know that, as I also need to embrace criticism.  But, if that is the case and your actions are not consistent with the qualities I discuss above, make sure you find someone else who will stand in your corner.  Because it won’t be me.

Second, I regret that I never had an honest conversation with Joe.  I never directly said, “You are a fantastic worker in most regards.  But, your unwillingness to accept criticism is causing me to not want to work with you, and I believe others will also not want not to work with you.”  I was too scared to have that conversation. 

As a professor, I believe students need to hear that message from me.   If I don’t have that tough conversation with them, who will?  So, if I ever criticize you, it is because I care.  If I do so in a manner you don’t like, by all means tell me that.  But also tell me what you learned from our discussion, because if you simply reject my criticism, I may chicken-out and quit trying to help you succeed.

I’ll end today with one of the most powerful lines from Randy Pausch’s famous Last Lecture.  “When you’re screwing up and nobody’s saying anything to you anymore, that means they gave up…when you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.”

I know it is not easy, and I can struggle doing so myself, but do yourself a favor.  Embrace criticism.