No Regrets…A Book Update

Like you, I have felt stress in various ways.

There has been work-related stress, such as the time I waited for my mom to read my CPA exam results over the phone (yes, I lived at home for three years after college).  There was the April 14th when I showed up for work at 8AM and did not leave until 4PM the following afternoon – without a change of clothes.  I also recall the routine of checking my mailbox on a daily basis to see if the letter containing my tenure decision had been delivered.

I have felt stress in athletics.  Being down by two points and shooting a pair of free-throws with no time left on the clock.  Preparing for my final throw in the shot put at the state track meet.  Needing to throw a strike with the bases loaded and the count full in the bottom half of the final inning in a tie baseball game.

I have felt it stress my personal life.  Like the time the hospital sent my wife and I home with my son without an instruction manual. Or when I had to talk to some neighborhood fathers about their sons’ sexual comments toward my step-daughter.  Or when I called my wife-to-be to ask her out on our first date and later projectile vomited all over the hallway wall and carpet.

I’ll stop now, as you all could share similar stories, and then some.

Why am I discussing stress?  Well, recently, my wife asked me, “So, where is your stress level at these days?”  Being a numbers guy, I asked her what scale she wanted me to use.  “Well, let’s say that a one is no stress at all, and a ten is that you need to need to be admitted to the psych ward.”

I thought about it for a moment and replied, “So, what would a 12 be?”

If you have been following my blog, you probably know the reason I feel stress: my upcoming sabbatical to write a book on John Gagliardi.  If you don’t know what I am talking about or who John is, check out my blog entry from last month titled, “A Breakthrough?”

So, why is my stress level about this book so high?  On one hand, it seems that I have nothing to lose.  I get the semester off with pay to write the book, so even if no one purchases a copy, I’m no worse off financially – plus, I am sure my mom is good for at least 10 copies.  Further, I’m already tenured, so it is not like I can get fired (I don’t think so, at least) if the book is lousy.  John even asked me what would happen if I never even complete the book.  Honestly, I’m not sure - I imagine I would still have a job, but wouldn’t get any favors in the future.

Why then do I lay awake, night after night, making revisions in my head?  I guess there could be variety of answers.  Maybe it is that I am quite competitive and like to think I can do something just as well as the next person if I put my mind to it.  Or perhaps it is that I want to shut people up who tell me I can’t write a book in just one semester.  Or could it be that I am a little miffed that a peer group of faculty members ranked my sabbatical idea as one of the weakest ones they reviewed.  But no, none of those are the answer.

So, what is it?  Near the end of the semester, I joined a few other professors for a Friday afternoon pint at the campus pub.  One of them said, “Boz, I have never seen you so intense.”  I took a sip of Old Johnnie Ale, exhaled, and replied, “I believe I am embarking on the biggest project of my life.”  In other words, I firmly believe that the story of “John” is perhaps the biggest chance I will have to make a difference on a grand scale.

This project is not something I was planning during those dozens of morning sessions in John’s office.  But I came away from each interaction with a better understanding of what has made him successful.  And I wanted others to hear the stories as well.

So basically, this project just fell into my lap, and now that it has, I feel called to make the most of my opportunity to share John’s story.  I watch people, myself included, fail every day in life, and I have started to think with more frequency…if they would simply employ some of John’s principles, they wouldn’t fail.  They’d succeed and be so much happier.

If I can bring this project to life, the book could, with some luck, reach a wide audience.  And person after person could be inspired by and learn from John’s philosophies.

Given that I view this as the most important project of my life, I am giving it my all.  I flew out to California for a two hour meeting with Sports Illustrated senior writer Austin Murphy.  I have answered calls, replied to every e-mail, and met with many former players and other interested parties.  I have chatted at length with his family and yesterday, I spent a chunk of the afternoon with one of his closest friends.  Pretty much all I want to do when I talk to people is to discuss my book.  The word “John” has become somewhat of a four letter word around my wife.  I am kidding, of course.  Mainly.  Kind of.

Recently, I took on a fairly grueling endeavor.  I received contact information for 2,171 of John’s former players, going all the way back to his first St. John’s team of 1953.  I know that buried within the memories of these players are anecdotes that will help me better understand and tell the story of “John.”  Thus, about a month ago, I sent an e-mail to many of them requesting their input.  I have since received dozens of replies, and continue to receive more every day.

However, I don’t have e-mail addresses for hundreds of his former players, and I am sure some of them need to be nudged more than once to provide their input.  Thus, I sent out a hard copy mailing to 2,170 of his former players (I excluded myself).  This mailing was done on my nickel - or on my 16,117 nickels to be exact. 

In an effort to increase the response rate, I included on each and every letter a handwritten personal note.  I started the process of writing these notes last Friday night and finally finished Wednesday morning. My wife, being the rock-star that she is worth barfing over, recruited a couple of her girlfriends to stuff envelopes into the wee hours of the night.

I believe the floodgates are about to open and that replies will begin pouring in by the dozens, if not hundreds.  I imagine having enough material to write a sequel to War and Peace.  However, I will whittle the replies down to about 200 pages and save the rest for another special project I have planned.

When I delivered the letters to the campus mail center this past Wednesday, I began to feel a great sense of relief.  I then strolled to John’s office and chatted for awhile.  By the end of our conversation, my stress was completely gone.

However, by the time I had made the eighty mile commute home, the stress had begun to return.  But that is okay, as it will remind me that I need to give all that I have to this project.  Because if I don’t, I know that I will regret it for the rest of my life.

I have one final thing to say to John’s former players who are still reading.  Whether you were a star player or a permanent fixture on the scout team, I’d love to hear from you.  You see, while this project is very intimidating, every time I hear from another one of you it lifts my spirits and reassures me that what I am doing is valuable.  And my vision on how to write the book is either affirmed or enhanced.  It is very encouraging that every single one of you has commented that this project is a great idea.  In fact, the only person who thinks it is a lousy idea is someone who never even played college football… but is about to coach it for the 64^th straight year.

Even our cats are helping with the project, they guarded the letters...