Everybody needs a little affirmation

You may have read in a previous blog entry that this spring I enrolled in John’s Theory of Football class. On the final day of class, I took a class picture of John with all of his students. I also took individual pictures with each of the 63 students and John, enlarged the pictures into 8x12’s, and had John sign them with a personal message. Coordinating that whole process was somewhat time-consuming, and coming on the heels of the busiest month of my life, it was also rather draining. However, the verbal appreciation I received from the students when they picked up their pictures was very rewarding.

Then just this morning, I checked my e-mail and had the following message waiting for me from one of John’s students, who also took an accounting class from me last year:

Boz,

I would like to thank you for the signed picture with John and the class picture. It is something that you did not have to do, but you went above and beyond to give us students the opportunity to have a very nice memento from John. I actually have already had my picture framed. It is something that I will keep with me for the rest of my life to help remember SJU, the great times I had as a member of the football team, and the great people that I had the opportunity to get to know during my time there. Like John stresses to his players and he did to the class, SJU is full of great people of great character, and you are a definite fit of this example. I am looking forward to reading your book. John definitely gives some interesting insight to different things and that could give you a lot to talk about. Thank you again and good luck with the rest of your book.

 

When I receive an e-mail like that, it makes the effort very worthwhile.

I am fortunate that in my line of work, I receive a fair amount of affirmation, as students are great in providing it. Receiving affirmation never gets old, and I crave it about as much as Winnie the Pooh craves honey. E-mails like the one I received above remind me why I am doing what I am doing. So, thank you, Anthony, for taking the time to send that e-mail.

Who do you need to affirm today? Is it a spouse, child, parent, or other family member? Is it a friend, colleague, neighbor, or perhaps even the lady at the checkout line at the grocery store? Although it would be good of you to pick one of those people and affirm them, don’t stop there. In reality, you need to affirm all of those people.

Don’t wait for the perfect time to affirm someone, as you might miss the opportunity, and that would be a shame. Because as my friend Zach said when I shared this story with him, “Everybody needs a little affirmation.”

End of Tax Season Reflections

This past Sunday evening, April 15^th, I began preparing my final tax return of the season.  This taxpayer had been putting off his tax return for the past ten weeks, and now it was my turn to pound it out and beat the deadline.  Worse yet, the taxpayer simply shoved all his receipts in a big envelope and left it up to me to sort through them. 

Frankly, I was pretty worn out by the time I began this return, so I prepared it more casually.  I took a break for a delectable dinner featuring grilled salmon, thanks honey!  I spent about twenty minutes chatting over Facebook with a friend regarding the all important topic of country music.  I enjoyed a Bud Light (to the extent one can enjoy a Bud Light) while working through the return. 

Two and a half hours later, I pressed the e-file button on my own return, and my tax season was officially done.

As I reflect back on this tax season, there are a variety of moments that will stand out.

There was the client for whom I needed to prepare nine tax returns.  As I handed over their tax returns and somewhat large invoice, they simply said, “Thank you for lifting this big black cloud off our heads.”  Had I known how complex their tax returns would be, I likely would not have accepted them as clients.  But then, I would have missed the opportunity to relieve a gnawing stress in their lives.

There was another client who told me to bill him extra as he felt he had been a pain in the butt.  I billed him at my regular rates.  I recently received his payment, along with a 70% tip.  Wow.

There was my mom who said, “I know you sometimes wonder if doing taxes is worth the hassle, but that does not worry me.  Even if you stop doing taxes for other people, you’ll still do mine.”  In the spirit of full disclosure, I suppose I should point out that my mom prepared her parents’ taxes for about forty years after she quit doing taxes for the general public. 

There was another taxpayer whom I jokingly (but maybe not) refer to as my favorite client.  Whenever I tell her the amount of her refund each year, she cheers.  I was disappointed that she did not actually come to my house this year, so I could only hear her cheering over the phone.  She said, “And just so you know Boz, I am pumping my fists as well.”

There is one of my best friends, whom I can’t bring myself to charge for preparing his taxes.  When I was saying goodbye to him at my front door at the end of the night, he said that he forgot something in my office.  I did not think anything of it until I returned to my office after he left and found a few twenty dollar bills.

There is the single mom, who spends her money very wisely.  I feel honored to help her receive large refunds each year, and when I told her the amount of her refund, she cried.

There is John, the subject of my sabbatical.  When I handed him his tax returns this year, I quickly changed the subject as I really didn’t want him to pay me - I figure it is the least I can do for bothering him so much with my endless questions.  The next time I was walking past his office, he called me in and handed me a check.

If you are a tax client of mine and I neglected to discuss your situation above, don’t worry, I enjoyed you as well.  This is the first year that I have sincerely enjoyed 100% of my tax clients.

The surfer guy

My good friend Jim moved away a few years ago to pursue a business career in the bustling corporate hub otherwise known as Utah.  He is currently back in town for a few days, and a group of us who have known Jim for 25 years got together last night to catch up with him.

As usual, I was the last one to arrive.  Upon entering, I scanned the room for my friends: Joe, Ryan, Justin, Greg, Brad, Pete, Matt, and…who is the surfer guy with the long hair?

On second glance, Surfer Guy was Jim, our guest of honor.  Looking at Jim, I had two thoughts.  First, his hair looks darn good, seriously.  He says he hasn’t cut his hair in about 18 months.  That is awesome.  I wish I had hair like that; I have bad hair.  I pretty much live in a perpetual state of bad-hair days. 

Second, as good as his hair looks, I wonder why he grew it out, especially as he is part of conservative corporate America.

I first complimented Jim on his hair, which seemed to be a welcome respite from the “interesting” comments our other buddies had been giving him.  I imagine they secretly also liked his hair, but this close group’s ability to give each other grief is legendary.  I asked him a bit about his new look.  You know when you sometimes ask a question and then receive an answer you are not ready for? This was one of those times.

“My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Fortunately, the doctors caught it in the very early stages and through surgery were able to remove the cancer without chemo treatments.  But, it raised my awareness and I decided to grow out my hair and donate it to Locks of Love.”

If you have not heard of Locks of Love, they are a non-profit group whose mission is to restore “a sense of self, confidence, and normalcy” to financially disadvantaged children suffering from hair loss due to medical reasons.

In that moment I realized that even more cool than my friend’s hair was the reason he was growing it out.  A child in need will benefit from his donation.  But perhaps more importantly, as a businessman growing his hair out, he certainly will receive a fair amount of “why” questions.  His reply will help spread the word and more children will be helped.

When Jim was leaving the party a while later, I asked him in jest, “Do you think I could have your hair when you cut it off?”  Without hesitation, he replied, “Grow your own, buddy,” and walked out the door, cool hair and all. 

In closing, I recall how my wife used to purchase somewhat flashy ties for me, but I was not comfortable wearing them in corporate America.  And now, my friend Jim is spending a couple years in corporate America with long hair.  As I reflect back on the evening, I realize that I do not actually want some of Jim’s hair, I want some of his values. 

Well, maybe I would take some of his hair as well.

.

The Tip of the Iceberg

A good friend read the student comments in my most recent blog entry, "John's Last Class" and he said to me, "Wow.  That is some great material.  While I like it, are you sure you want to use that stuff up now and not save it for your book?"

All I could do was smile and say, "Amigo, that is only the tip of the iceberg.  Those comments came from people who have spent a total of about ten hours in John's presence and haven't even had a chance to put his teachings into practice.  Imagine what people say who have spent substantially more time in his presence and who have used his teachings as a guide in their lives."

In the words of the old Bachman Turner Overdrive classic rock tune..."Baby.  You ain't seen nothin' yet."

John’s Last Class

Today is a very bittersweet day as it brought with it the end of John Gagliardi’ s Theory of Coaching Football course.  On one hand, I will no longer spend my days off from teaching making the 160 mile round-trip commute to campus.  Further, I will no longer spend my evenings trying miserably to catch-up on the rest of my life.

On the other hand, I will no longer have guaranteed time with John every other day.  I will no longer have the 70 minute class periods filled with humor and life lessons.  And I will no longer have the 2-3 hour debriefing sessions with John after class when he is on a post-teaching high.

The end of this class also means that the research phase of this project is drawing to a close and the writing phase is getting closer.  That realization is as exciting as it is intimidating.

John’s final assignment for his students was to send him an e-mail discussing what they liked about the course and what they learned.  I told the students to feel free to copy me on those e-mails if they were comfortable in doing so.  I’ll end today with just a small sampling of the comments that John received.

“One thing that I truly admire you for, is how you are genuinely interested in all of your students and the people around you.”

“I also learned that if I surround myself with great people and people I love, I will have a better chance to become successful.”

“It was truly an honor to not only be taught by you but to get to know you and really understand why people just can't run out of great things to say about you.”

“You do a great job teaching students how to be confident in themselves.”

“I learned multiple things those afternoons with you, especially what type of person I want to be.”

“So, thanks again for what you provided me in the last four years.  It is something that I will value for the rest of my life. “

“I also learned, through John’s example, the value of humility.  It is more important to learn about others than to broadcast all of your accomplishments and strengths for the entire world to see.  People do not need to be told how great you are; if you are truly a remarkable person, it will come through in the way you treat others and conduct yourself.”

“Throughout your stories, I learned many valuable lessons that I will take with me for the rest of my life.”

“I am a graduating senior and will always remember your tips: Always introduce yourself to new people, have a firm handshake, be interested (not interesting), and most importantly be confident. If you don't take the initiative to introduce yourself, you may never gain anything from available opportunities.”

“You put it so simply by saying you must be confident to the point of ignorance where you don't even realize that failure is an option.”

“John, you have personally shown me that I can achieve great things, and my self worth is immeasurable as long as I have confidence, ignorance, I work intelligently, and sustain my efforts.”

“You have to be ignorant to the possibly of you losing and you have to be confident that you're going to win.”

This final quote pretty much sums it up…

“In this class I learned a little about football and a lot about how to conduct my life.”