No More

Would you be willing to play a little game with me today?  Let’s play the game called, “I bet I can read your mind.”

If you are up for it, I want you to think about one of your favorite people to spend time with.  Perhaps it is a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a teacher, a co-worker, or a friend.  Play along with me for a few seconds here…pause and lock your mind in on just one person. 

Once you have identified that one person, I want you to think about why they are one of your favorite people to spend time with.  What qualities do they have that really separate them from others in your life?

Now it is my turn to read your mind.  If you are anything like me, it just may be that the person you are thinking of makes you feel good about yourself.  There are some people who constantly build me up and never put me down, and frankly, I just can’t get enough of them.

For me, one of those people is John, the subject of my upcoming book.  When we chat, he never puts me down just for the sake of it.  Sure, he may challenge me on some of my ideas and tease me now and again.  And when I messed up on the football field there was hell to pay, but he never puts me down simply for the sake of putting me down. 

Recently, John found out something good about me, and it amazed me how he can’t stop talking about it and relaying that information to others.  Since that time, I have been paying more attention to how others treat others and me, and I am amazed by the frequency of put-downs that many people offer.

I mentioned above that I had two questions for you, and thus far I have only asked one.  Well, here is the second: how do you fare in this area?  Do you find yourself seeking to build others up, or are you heavy on sarcasm and put-downs?  If the latter describes you, I have to borrow a line from Dr. Phil and ask, “How’s that working for you?”  Is it making you happy and drawing people close to you, or is it resulting in tension and superficial relationships?

I can struggle with this one at times.  In fact, I no sooner finished relaying this strong quality of John’s to my class when I promptly put down two students in an unnecessary way for an incorrect answer.  As I reflected on my words later that day, I felt sick.

Thus, I have made a decision: no more.  This is an area in my life where I must have zero tolerance for mistakes.  Yes, I know I will slip up from time to time, but when I do, I must immediately rectify the situation.

For those two students, I sought them out later that day, apologized, and promised to buy them a beer the next time I saw them at our campus pub’s happy hour.  Don’t worry, they are both twenty-one.  Further, I am going to keep that promise to any other students I put down in the years ahead.

My future should be interesting, and one thing is for sure.  I will either be a person known for building others up, or I am going to have one heck of a bar tab.